Hourglass

First of all I feel like a politician. I know I keep promising that I am going to be posting more and don't, but let's face it. Life is crazy.

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Today I had to deal with bullshit at work as usual. The politics in that place drive me up the wall. But that's not what this entry's about. This one is kinda more of a reflective look at things.

I am in the process of leaving the apartment that I had leased in an effort to save money in the long term. While cleaning and throwing crap out this evening it hit me. And it hit me hard. While I was there, I talked to my neighbor G. I told him that I had broken up with my girlfriend back in July and just kinda summed up things over the past couple months.

I flashed back to the day that we moved in her stuff, I had moved in a couple months before. I remember being so happy that she was going to live with me. I can still picture her face. I don't know that I had ever seen her smile so much since we had been dating. 

And then I thought about all the fighting after that, all the mistakes, the hateful words. All the things that can't ever be taken back. The night that I had admitted that I cheated on her. Three times. All mistakes and all permanent. I went to the fight to keep us together when all that she wanted to do was run. The thoughts of what if I never had told her. 

The night that we broke up. The day she moved her things. All of it came rushing over me so fast tonight. I almost lost grip. I love her. At this point I have no choice but to let her go. She has to decide if one day she will ever want to be friends again and I have to give her that space. 

It's the hardest thing that I have ever done. It makes me weak inside and my heart heavy. It's a bad movie playing over and over in my head. Every step that I take is both easier and harder.

You see, life is like an hourglass. Time will always move forward but some moments just keep getting flipped back. 

I just wish someone had some super glue, so that I may glue the hourglass to the table and not have to relive the painful past.

Hello World!

There is a bright light in front of me that I am blocking with my hand. As the light starts to fade, I am able to slowly pull my hand down and see all the vast landscape in front of me come into focus. I'm back. It's been awhile. I can't promise that I won't abandon my post again, but I am here now. That's what matters.

A lot has happened since I last wrote. I would love to say mostly good things or mostly bad things, so that I may have a more exciting rant about positive or negative. The truth is that neutral is about where I am sitting now.

I continue going to work which is typical of any working adult. I hate the politics of it, truly. I still enjoy most of the people and one of the problem children are now gone. Thank god! It's getting to be robotics season which makes me mucho happy. I am a mentor for one of the local high schools and personally I think that it is a great opportunity.

My best friend starting dating my female best friend and so now we make frequent trips north of where I am now. I am happy when I am with them. It makes me feel wanted, or important. Like it would be the same without me there, not because I am the best thing in the group, but more so because when I am with them I bring a fun personality to the table that the gbff (girl best friend forever) really seems to like. I plan on being able to help the robotics team that she is/was on this year as well. That makes me really happy so that way I may be able to get some money for the team.

People that know about the type of robotics we do in our high schools don't really have a clue at how much it costs to run a team in a season. $20,000 minimum to not have to worry about anything. That's right $20,000.

I am headed for NYC via Pennsylvania in T-mius 3.5 hours. I will, I am sure have more to update later this long weekend.

Watchmaker

I have come to terms in recent times that something that matters is always worth the wait. You can't always be granted your wish, your desire right when you want it. I feel that it could be for a reason as simple as if it were granted here and now it wouldn't be appreciated the way it should.

We don't always have to agree with the timing of things; in fact, it is true that in smaller pictures we usually feel the timing of anything in our lives sucks. We aren't ready for it, it isn't how we planned. Oh God, I didn't account for this is the damn budget. But when we open up our eyes and look outside of our tunnel vision we can see the entire gallery and think to ourselves 'damn, this really is amazing.' We can finally see how everything ties together.

Once we do that and look back in retrospect we can see that it was the right time, things did work out. That is why we will never ever create a time traveling machine, because when everything is set in history if it is meant to be changed it will be changed in the second coming.

After all, doesn't history repeat itself.

I have come to terms in recent times that something that matters is always worth the wait. You can't always be granted your wish, your desire right when you want it. I feel that it could be for a reason as simple as if it were granted here and now it wouldn't be appreciated the way it should.

We don't always have to agree with the timing of things; in fact, it is true that in smaller pictures we usually feel the timing of anything in our lives sucks. We aren't ready for it, it isn't how we planned. Oh God, I didn't account for this is the damn budget. But when we open up our eyes and look outside of our tunnel vision we can see the entire gallery and think to ourselves 'damn, this really is amazing.' We can finally see how everything ties together.

Once we do that and look back in retrospect we can see that it was the right time, things did work out. That is why we will never ever create a time traveling machine, because when everything is set in history if it is meant to be changed it will be changed in the second coming.

After all, doesn't history repeat itself.

Um, duh.

Every once in awhile you will find yourself realizing things that you never thought you would. Those things typically are the basis for self-improvement. It doesn't always have to be the world's largest epiphany, even the smallest can help.

The other day I realized that to be happy you don't always have to be physically involved with someone. That doesn't mean it isn't nice to be, but the fact is any real relationship that is going to last is more likely to with intellectual interaction as well as physical.

I am now on a mission to better myself in the want and desire to always be physically attached to someone. I am a smart cookie, so why not find someone that I can have an intellectual relationship with and worry about the physical later. Just a thought, anyway.

Background Check

So here we are at the start of it all. I am the 'youngin'' according to those at work. Which, I guess is a true statement since I am the youngest employee of probably the entire building including everyone across all companies in the building.

I was born on a naval airbase in California. I am two of two between my mother and father, but in the grand scheme I have more than one sibling. My dad was in the Navy and my mom wasn't. I am not sure what she did, since I was so young and honestly don't know that I ever asked the question (Note to self: Ask mom what she did in the years that I was a baby). Then one day mommy and daddy weren't together anymore. Story of most of the people in this world anymore.

Both of my parents re-married and so my family grew. I have a half sister on my mom and step-dad's side. On my dad and step-mom's I picked up a step-brother and step-sister. I don't make the distinction unless I have to. The bottom line is that they are my brothers and sisters. We don't always see eye to eye, but what family does?

Fast-forward to the part where I have graduated high school and am now out on my own and figuring shtuff out the hard way. I have learned many lessons so far and I know that there are several thousand more to be learned.

I am a robotics nerd and proud of it. It makes me happy, and that's what matters to me. I am currently going through a big debacle involving girls. It isn't easy but life isn't. Especially not a life worth living. Things will look up at some point, after all it can always rain.

And if it does I will be dammed if I am paying for an umbrella! Have you seen how much one of those things cost lately?!

Till Next Time,

That One Guy 

The Prologue.

Hello everyone,

I am sure the first thing that you may want to know is who I am. I will start by saying, I don't know who I am. I haven't yet found myself. My life is a puzzle and that's the real answer. Lucky for me, I like puzzles. My story at its roots may not be different from anyone else's because we all tend to go on that roller-coaster that we call life. You know the speech that you will at least one time hear in your life: "You work, you pay taxes, and then you die!" Hardly seems fair, but that's the source of life. What we do with it is our call.

You aren't defined by the choices you make, you are defined by the person you become after the choice is made. One bad choice doesn't define you, you can recover from it. That bad choice is called a mistake and we are all entitled to a few.Eh, let's be honest we're entitled to a lot.

I am sure that I will be writing about lots of mistakes and lots of things that in no way are mistakes. I hope all find it interesting.

Till Then,

That One Guy.